Mom has put me on a diet. A DIET! This is what she does. Just barely covers the bottom of the dish with dry dog food. Then she cooks ground organic turkey with brown rice, carrots, spinach and garlic and gives me a tablespoon with olive oil and chicken stock.
Ma! Are you kidding. The food is good but I'm not exactly blubberpuss. Are you trying to make me a Victoria's Secret male dog? Wouldn't mind the wings but a thong wouldn't look too cute. (Un-com-for-table! Whoooheee!) I get this twice a day.
Ma! You give more food to the cats than you do to me. Even the bluejay who zooms in for the vittles you put out is fattening up. I'm pining for more food the other night and we're watching this Turner Classic Movie called Merrily We Live. (She is not going to watch End of the World Part II or Scream so forget it.) They had two dogs in it called Off the Rug and You Too, kind of big Great Dane types living in a mansion with this zany rich family with goldfish, a cockatoo, and servants and they kept hitting up everyone they could for food. No one put them on a diet!
Did you notice me point my paw to my mouth? Nooooooo!
You thought that when I rolled over on my back sort of scratching my tummy, that I was being cute. Nooooooo!
When they had that elegant meal in the dining room with the roast being served with guests of the family thinking the chauffer was a society guy I had to clam up and stop drooling.
Ma! You pride yourself on being an observant journalist. Hah! Not here, kiddo!
Well, I have to be patient. Because Thanksgiving is coming and I always get leftovers. Not like the other dogs you've had. (I mean I'm sorry Lucky passed away but she actually opened up the refrigerator twice and got a leg. She told me later it was because you kept saying "oh Lucky, you're going to get turkey!" You think we have a time frame? You say we're going to get, so we get. Me, I just couldn't figure out how to open the door.)
Well, I'll be okay for the end of the week. But if anyone wants to stop by with treats, just knock on our door. (I clean kitchen floors. You drop food. I lick.)
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